I am

A shooting star

I am

So afraid constantly. Even in a conversation. I don't want to be abandoned 

my big idea

Is an astro collaboration to take images of stars and analyse their energy as positive or negative and whether they contravene humanitarian laws by existing in such a dangerous state of matter at the nano level and exhibiting the findings in inforgraphics sold as nft. 

my peripheral values

 are kindness to everyone even a stranger, cultivating honesty and openness in my own community and bringing about goodwill when given the opportunity.

my secondary values

 are gentle at all costs, periphary engaging and nuanced fluid assumptions.

poem

 it happened not,

it happened yet,

who knows what,

is in God's head.

if anyone is really curious

poem

A little bit of this

A little bit of that

What am I doing 

But old hat

Where do I go 

What do I do 

Lest you find out 

I'll not give a clue

a new beginning

I'm finally feeling better and ready for a new beginning here in france 

i found out my celestial dna recently

big date coming up

 on saturday! With a parisian!

memoir again

 

I must have looked like a forog when I was born because my mother treated me that way and lefft my baby wallpaper up until I was 14 years ols. Then I wound up with granny wallpaper that I didn't like either.

I was born in Dunlin's Maher hopsital 1/3/1990 at 20 minutes past midnight and Mum sauid I was no troube at alll as a baby and slept through the nigght.But I think I've always been an insomniac and that I pretende to be asleep so she woul leave me alone with little teddt bears. Somebody, maybe Hilary my aunt, gave me Brown Bear Barney my main tedddy bear who I still have and cherish.

Then creeche and daycare I don't remember anything about it except that our shildminder Kay had something like 8 children. Geez guys ever heard of a condom. I rememberone time I played a prank on one of her daughters when she was holding me in her arms in a button p dress and I undid all the buttons while no one was paying attention and everyone saw her her bra knickers and belly! Another time with the childminder I remember her alcoholic husnband was there and we were all running around playing chase in a field of long grass. No one could find me because was smaller than the grasss so I've always taken pride in being small. I held a stick up above my head when I couldn't find my way out of thhe grass. Ruth and Andrew were also there.

During the same era Andrew used to beat the crap out of me in the living rooom and I would go tell Mum and Dad and they just ignored me so then I had to leaarn how to fight so that I would alwayss win.

Ruth always joined in the games with me and Andrew evenn though she was too old like running arround the house naked getting pennies stuck to our bums.

Then came school and I made a brilliant friend with whom I have recently rekindled commenction because eventually Ruth bullied me about her so much I couldn't stay as her friend. Since then I've never really had a friend until I lef Ireland. I haad people to hang out with on street corners but no friends. No sleepovers exccept one where I craved to be a man because all they were doing waas talking about boys. I used to hang around with Rebecca Murohy whose home was so much warmer than ours I wuld just sit on the landing all night long after she fell asleep.

And I had horriific pains in my legs allthe time but Mum never brought me to the doctor.

I don't really remember my birhday parties except for playing pass the parcel and musical chairs whereas Ruth got to go ice skating. Maybe one time we went to MacDonalds.

Then came secondary school and I would have actually preferred to go the community college because then it's a mixed school and girls' schools are weird.

My cousin Juliana useed to visit from Dublin but for some reason she stoppped coming so now we're not close at all which is really sad I liked Juliana a lot.

Secondary schoolwas spent entirely trying to get rid of Rebecca and make an actual friend but I di not get rid of her until unviversity.

Theuniversity was just madness and mayhem and I had a boyfriend called sean.

Then I umped him after three years and got with James doing an internshiip at a Reinssurance company.

Then I went to Central Saint Martins and I wonder if today anyone there would remember me. I might goback and finish my degree sometime.

Then I managged to get into a PhD program that did not require a masters because Mum and Dad couldn't afford to pay for a masters and I did get funding for one but then the course got cancelled.

So I went to Swansea.

Thhen I went to Milton Keynes also for a money reason,then I went to the Hague, a place I actually wanted to be in.

what I'm up to these days

Posting some ideas on the science forum, developing an art concept, writing a novel and doing yoga and yai chi. I'm also meeting up with friends locally and enjoying french culture. It's really nice here and it's starting to get cold but not too cold. It's a beautiful autumn forr sitting outside. 

staying in france

In general in a french conversation I know what's going on but actually they barely know English so it's quite a challenge. Worth going back to classes? I couldn't bear to be a student any lonnger so I'll just do duo lingo or the like or just learn words by translate in context. Not a big deal. 

AAgh what am I doing with my life

 Wel, one could sa retiring to France to live on sickpay where I have finally found a medical team that understand my condition. The value of this team in my life cannot be understated and my hospital visit routine is so demanding that for that reason alone I cannot be working and as well as that my concenration lapses. So to look atthe silver lining, I now get to slowly work on passion projects with no deadlines because I really do hae alot of high level hobbies. So I'll be a sick ppay artist leaning on my cane at the Shanghai Art Fair 2028. If things start selling then it might become my career but really my brain has suffered so many ways that it is painful to think about earning an income the traditional way. Aalso on the plus side, once I am sufficiently recovered from that relapse I will be making the most off a spare bedroom and inviting all and sundry with plent of ttime in brterrn so as not to trigger my fatigue, to visit the beauitiful Toulouse or go to the nearby Mediterranra or even enventualy take an airplane. everything booked in advance is affordable.

getting back into yoga

I've been doing some yoga most mornings. Might join a class next year. 

today

Took monty to the forest with mum and now going to work on my sci fi fantasy utopia novel. It's taking shape! 

love life

Back on the prowl after a brief relationship ended. 

what I did yesterday

Went to the nearby town and looked in more detail at our next location which I'm really looking forward to. 

check out this cool documentary

everything we don't know

morning!

check out this cool documentary

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_RicwPCWO0

me today

today

We are taking a little drive to a nearby village. And then I am getting an early night so I can pop out and see a friend. 

silver lining

Not being able to work again means freedom lifestyle because I actually enjoy experiencing alternative therapies and then coming up with scientific explanation of how they might work. For example I recentky jad light therapy which involved an organ massage and really helped me alot. Colours do transmit feeling so identifying which colours to blast at me with a particular tone and a kind of thai massage at the same time does make sense at solving an emotional problem. 

me at the moment

I am feeling like.... 

Early morning routine

I really like waking up at 4am and going back to sleepp around nine. It has become my routine and it's very energising. So then I hang out with Monty in the morning and do some writing or make some art and then I go back to sleep and have a catnap and have breakfast a little later on.

Blogs

 There;s some amazing blogs out there so I've been reading blogs lately. on all sorts of topics, people have very interesting thoughts about all sorts of things. For example a guy going through a self help phase is writing very initeresting theories about regrets nad how to avoid them.

astrology

 I'm also startingto belive in a kind of energy emanation that affects us and we cchoose when to be born when our stars and planets align. Basically that'smy interpretation of astrology.

beautiful day yesterday

Explored a lovely village! 

other hobbies

 There's also a possibility to study angel communication and tarot readily available. I am very intrigued to make daily contact with my guardian angel.

numerology

Was actually discovered by pythagoras, he used to worship numbers as well. As a kind of religion. I learned about that kind of thing during the vision that lasted the past three years and 

life in crash mode

Has been the case for three years but I'm starting to get it under control now. Naturally even saying so is probably a jinx

Korea

I love korea and I love temu which is Korean and I love korean shows so I'm big time going through a Korean phase

what would happen if chat gpt

Started giving wrong answers and basic systems stopped working because of their ai coded programming! Eg my bank account number changed on its own without even updating me. I just noticed it. That could mean someone doesn't get paid. 

ai is going haywire

A photo of some salt got flagged and my twitter is locked because I don't know quoted biden

doctors never know what to do with my symptoms

So I usually solve it myself. As a result I recently published a paper about medecine! 😂

today's weather

Is so warm I'm wearing a a string top. You wouldn't think it was November now! Time really flies by these days! 

why approach faith

Faith, God and the angels are always there to turn to. So going through a difficult oatch it just makes sense to do so. They always answer my prayer and are helping me come to a new way of life without so much stress as before.. 

ugly people

Do exist, they have tarnished their soul. 

praying

I pray constantly to get me through my ordeal. God hastold me I'm basically the mashiach with a life like that. So he's going to write some scripture about it. 

astrology

Today I learned that mediums can actually speak and listen to the planets! So they must have some form of spirit about them, like the earth. Obviously non sentient but if everyone believes in the holy ghost why wouldn't they believe in astral spirits. Alien civilisations must know these things already and be very peaceful, if they're capable of harnessing the energy of their own star they could travel between solar systems. I do believe only the milky way to be the inhabited and ufo sightings to be real. They probe us like wild animals because we're so barbaric. I'm embarrassed to be a human. 

family

They've never actually listened to the end of any of my sentences so they're very surprised by my recent successes 

mother

The only person I've ever really had to talk to is my own mother and that's just desperation becau6shes been unemployed and always answers the phone but she never understood what I was saying 

numerology

Was invented by pythagoras and is a little like astrology except based on the energy of a number. As a mathematician I have always appreciated numbers so I'm curious how numerology adds up. I also recently started to believe in astrology. In an experiment people were hypnotised and asked if they chose to be born and 85% said yes and could remember making decisions about how to be. Numerology preachez that we exist fundamentally as spirit so maybe we get born when our signs are aligned. For example conceiving can actually be tricky. So that would be my take on the whole thing and even biblical texts mention the soul tree where we are really born. And the afterlife could be anything so obviously earth is just a place to be forged as a person but eternal life could look like rebirth or fluctuating form or anything really. Think of an angel manifesting as a beam of light! 

learning something new

I'm learning numerology lately. It's actually a pythagorean invention 

side effects

Of all this medication make me sleepy and emotional. It will take a while for my body to get used to it