This is me...

My emotions are not unstable but they are turbulent. I'm forever looking for a way to drain them from my system. I'm still feeling sadness from 20 years ago! I also explode with mirth if unchecked.  I cry, I laugh, i freak out.  My emotions have been a result of even thoughts or observations. Even situations, even as a story. I get so caught up on "but how could it be possible!?!" about a tragedy, then I turn to faith and say "that should not be allowable." Then I design an alternative path and write it down for people to follow, a much better path. And they can choose it because it is writ. Then I see it in action and I weep to see a real way smiling face and then it kicks off again. I'm smiling with themselves but it's also like proof of the original premise which was so sad to contemplate carefully as a maybe I'm CONSTANTLY grieving the past. Maybe that helps it go away. Don't get me wrong, I've had plenty of the good times as well. Ha...

Is a way to pass time, except what it can CAN be is a way to renegade, to rock, to roll, to call your soul back home. Recreation is essential and work can even feel as such if it's properly structured.  Do we need the feeling of "must do wilk do, even if it breaks me", what's wrong with "duty is calling and I rather enjoy the phonecall". Life is that subtly complex. There's SO MUCH to be experiencing and appreciating. And to be gratitudinal about! Gratitude. It's a form of kindness. It's the failsafe humane attitude. 

Right and wrong is a surprisingly complex field. The Robin hood for example, or the working class hero, or the suffragette. Doing "what is right" must surely ascribe to "what is right in general" which would comply with people and everyone altogether. Anything sentient. Given practicality. Eg animals must be eaten, fruitarian and janeism are impossible in compatibility with an honest or simple life. A simple life that is correct to act on MUST be practical to achieve. 

What I do in my life... I like to change things around... At least that is frequently my intention. Adding in, taking away, swapping. I like to think and speak as concisely as possible about my well researched opinion. It just seems like the right way to be.  Right and wrong? It's a murky lagoon. What's wrong about abandoning a single mother to avoid confronting yourself? Everything. But to not be present as abusive, not a lot. People fall into all sorts of traps, it seems simple but we're all on our best guess of a path through an enchanted forest  So is it even right to do a good deed? What if it would cripple the recipient because they are not prepared for kindness! We get so hardened within our shells that it's dicey terrain.  But there are some routes (non obviously!) that are right and fair as a fact. For example, be nice to everyone, you can never guess or maybe even kniw what's going on with themselves.  Be kind, pay it forward. Harmless and constructive....

My life story with medication involves under the counter antibiotic for glandular fever (that was rough a bit like now) age 12, then mum said painkillers are worse than a glass of water (serious migraine). Then antipsychotics and ms meds really hit me hard.  Currently it's psychiatry I don't understand and immunotherapy. Have I done myself a disservice? 

I am a person who has always struggled with her mental health. Depression hits her and she thinks : what's a good workaround because my life is important but not really working 😭 I also get a bit manic and then it's : everyone has stopped laughing... Maybe time to go home and stay at home. Then it's like confusion and she thinks : how to even know real. Everything is having a blurring line. Time for coffee and sitting outside. Nature helps.