This is me...

Being in france really is a joy, being around monty so much and seeing him growing up is a delight and spending some time alone has really helped me understand myself, my thoughts and my direction. Mainly I'm currently partaking of a beer either in the bar or on a bench. This is my personal invented ritual for unwinding and celebration. The first part of celebration was tears to understand what I have been up against and how people have been suffering. The next part was joy and laughter about myself, currently it's a certain peace with "i did it already". So i either lie down to think or take a can for a walk to procesd. It's also a little treat for myself (I really like beer!) to help with the defeated feeling from my ill health. 

Name : Elle Origin : beyond the stars Occupation : full time leisure pursuits /lord of the village Hobbies : chatting and dreaming

I'm kind of constantly wondering "could this self who I sense myself to be really be me?" as well as things about my life such as "doing nothing feels right but for how long?" I'm questioning my very experience, as such to a degree of the ancient Greek philosophers, they wondered if life is a dream with no real characters but oneself. I wonder who is really here around me based on my experience, I grapple with my faith too. I confront myself and like what I then choose, everything was just bits and pieces before. 

I used to really enjoy work but I can't work anymore because the voice in my head is very demanding of attention and is rarely practical enough for me to focus on anything like a career except as a hobby (I have a business and still write papers). 

Something about where I'm at in life (successful career, big strong kind fur baby, retired early in france) helps me understand myself which is actually ongoing even at this age. Otherwise I'm deep in thought about the layers of life, we all see the surface but the deeper currents are very powerful.  For example, sometimes I'm drinking a beer looking at the car park and wondering "how many days a week does that person go to the charcuterie!" because it looks like a nice idea but it must be expensive! Does he go because he can't cook? Or similar. I love sitting and watching people go about their day and getting to know the rhythm of the village to really understand our deeper subconscious compulsions. 

The voice in my head has taken me on quite a journey in recent years including an education of sorts by experiencing scenarios. Currently it's gone a bit quiet so I sometimes literally lie down and stare at the wall to reflect on everything I've ever known. Beers motivate me to get out of bed and in between beers I'm lying down or writing.