This is me...

I put my boggles on this morning because it's new years day! 2026. The last few years have flown by, in stark contrast to the first thirty years of painstakingly slow misadventure. 

No one knew because no one cared. You're deluding yourself you wee caring because you didn't listen to me 

Went for a walk this morning and it's dead out there, everyone's sleeping their way into the new year! https://media.tenor.com/Py7XrrxlfasAAAAM/lmao-lmao-meme.gif https://media.tenor.com/Py7XrrxlfasAAAAM/lmao-lmao-meme.gif 

Breach of human rights and criminal neglect. I could sue for a sizeable sum. Gaslightinng, emotional psychological and physical abuse, also suinfg y ou guys. Sexual abuse likewise. Don't believe anything mother or family have ever said and spreading those rumours is perjury.  I've had it with the silent treatment, go hang yourselves and watch my success from a jaik cell. 

 at the turn of the year i would like to wish everyone a happy celebration for the year past and good luck with your reslutions for the year forward. time can sometimes pass us by but try to get a grip on it and you will ertainly excel.

 

 hthis show is cocnuts and exploress the themes of family, career, poverty and wealth. its very hilarious despite dealing with some very serious topics like even blindnes without health insurance.

 truth can put things in jeopardy so i like to work it in from the outside rings inward. we live like onions and people get so obsessed with romance, thanks a bunch byron, that they ditch their built to be in,. we need a to be in more than a partner because you're closest person of an anything nature is your partner in crime having a partner is a bonuc but waiiting until you find a partner with a matching or complemetary way to be in that fits into yours is such a smarter idea.

 i have now fully furnished my sleeping and working room so the rest of the apartment wouldd be next on t he agenda. its lookng very restful and energising wih a multicolour shag fur crpet and nature based artworks.im in some doubt as to the real me becuase i bought it alll to treat myself but its so far flung from my former thought through looks and style that i would just imagine id retrun to ny former style in a little bit of time. for example its so much PINK instead of PURPLE and GREEN! I used to detest pinka dn actually boycotted pink as a feminiist protest. now im embracing exploring pink because even  men wear pink onw so its meaning has changed.

What is our place in the cosmos? It feels like we're here to do something but what could it be? 

Are zipping by! It's a peculiar age because life gets messy! Things slip under the radar and health becomes priority! Family seems to matter more and social life goes out the window except for consolation beer. Projects emerge and hobbies take over and nesting, settling down starts to creep in 

To sum up recentlly: I have been praying alot, I am having almost zero panic attacks, I'm going to the neuro in march, I'm mostly deep in thought and I have made some new friends here :) 

We are all time travellers moving forwards in time at various speeds owing to time dilation. The twin that climbs everest becomes of a different age! 

Gurls get yo curls on fire. Flaming heads bursting hearts, let's sing it all together. 

She swoops around stripping the beds (how will they know we even used the sheets) cleaning (they have to clean it anyway! And airing blankets outside (in the mist! They're going to get ruined!) 

It's not so bad being alive with even a plant for company. Life can be sweet even in sadness. Never forget the excitement of a voyage. Akways trust your most reasonable thought. Never fall back down the pit of depressive thinking. Stay true to your fabricated ideals, they are worthwhile at least exploring. See people as the joy they are. 

I strongky believe that every cloud has a silver lining so chikdhoid and teenage abuse works out as brilliant at poetry! To have around then travelked to the deoths if my soul and ingenuity taught me something cosmic. 

This workd is grand this workd is huge. So much to see and do. Even in our short lives it's possible to find inspiration in any moemt. Everything dating from creation is so varied and magical and nit even everything is kniwn! 

Life is strange, but beguiling and intoxicating to even be aware of. 

I'm embarking on some kind of fantastic maybe challenging journey via the visions and prayer. I don't w know where it's taking me except to gradually evolve before and after death. Or maybe my early life was just so hectic it would really be like an internal journey to be explaining and even understanding everything I've experienced and learned. Watch this space! 

I have come along way from suicidal emo teen feeling all alone in the workd through a carefully curated ohysics addiction through journeying through the famous stories of haute literature to the art workd and back to nanotech and patents as a good go at life before then going deep into the imaginarium to soon be digressing all sorts of avenues of thinking while influencing the fashion workd and improving upon top tthird tier of scientists. My writing has always been thamere for me and I hope somehow the message in it reaches people. It's just a joy to be alive with so much going on and so much inspiration available on the planet. 

Despite the fact of the early life trauma, I value my family also for being amazing and I look up to several roke modelss there. Hyneses are very loyal and brave and tierneys are very intelligent and courageous. I have always tried to cultivate these characteristics. 

I'm so lucky to have met so many amazing people in life even just so far. If you're reading this you're probably amazing!! So many of my friends are total mavericks. Now that I'm not working, i get to spend time reflecting and building up to starting a family here in Brax. Then I'm going to get a spare room and persuade you all to come for a pizza party :) 

If life is a bix of chocokates, I'm eating all the raspberry and caramel and then passing it around. As a person anyone can struggle in silence so prayer has hugely helped me have the guidance to move forward to the next stage of my life.  The world is so varied how could anyone ever get bored with a little bit of targeted appreciation! 

I value friendship very highly and I look forward to visiting my friends alot! I'm dead keen to get back on the road for all you far flung people. Just might be next year before my panic attacks die down! 

My life is supreme I just didn't fully appreciate it before. I am a capable person, behind the diseases, abdd actually despite the diseases. I like all sorts of everything and I've even been so lucky as to have even tried that much everything.  I'm so blessed to have monty because he's a joy to behold. And life changing to care for. 

So far I awoke at 3 and got up and watched tv then did some journalling and played with monty. Then I went for a walk and now it's breakfast time! 

Was formed from a part of me age 3 when mum shouted full volume at me for "throwing a tantrum" but actually I was explainingysel and it sounded luke "i don't like fish fingers!!!" because everyone else was getting their favourite food! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Is currently to understand myself because I really do get confused by people’s reactions. I was raised on sarcastic insults so what I’m currently knowing about myself even after four years of compliments and visions is… quite smart, almost beautiful, very kind and nice person.

  Lovely humorous notebook and also some bath salts and Chris decorations!

I went to Prague with a group of friends once and the most memorable part was going to a karaoke bar where everyone got very ambitious! Wr were the only ones in there so it was just like when i did karaoke in toronto. 

Sime psychologists believe that schizoid is an attunemenet to some kind of noise either stemming from spiritual sources or collective unconscious while I believe my schizoid is genuinely a gift from God for being such a good person (it's amazing music and stories and ideas most of the time). 

Was in control of the right side of my body so since she died, I had to learn how to walk etc. Even swallow. 

I'm looking forward to getting back to my morning romance. He was intimating that now I'm settled in he's going to make a move soon... Maybe nye! 😬☺️

I actually had a numb face before this current ms treatment so I'm pretty sure betsy was winking at everyone every time I said "i think i need help" 

I've been having terrible nightmares that are very vivid but now I'm going to deluge myself in happy tv abd stories so it's a nice time solution to the nightmare problem. I'm also maybe going to get a few cuocake tuoe tattoos and start wearing brighter colours. Think positive live positive dream positive! 

She was my personality disorder, always interrupting me and getting me into trouble by flirting with everyone. I'm actually a huge prude and proud about it. She was so stupid and mean whereas I'm actually kind the whole way through myself and intelligent. She ruined all my friendships and mum thought I was her and kept spreading rumours about me. 

Because I didn't receive anything nourishing as a child, I have experienced artificial purgatory and am now going through an adult childhood. Maybe for another five years. So I might get very different, and obviously then might take up a whole new vocation. Everything about me that was thete before was a coping mechanism 

As a schizoid, i just get auditory visions which I sometimes blog about. 

Beautiful Saturday, glorious winter sun. Bbqqed sticks in a puddle for the dog (no better treat). Actually amnt being totally ignored today! Maybe because andree is here. I think my family are realising their deep "connection" they've been so angry I'm not doing, was with a personality disorder. Lets call her betsy. So betsy was being gossiped about because she was an idiot slut. She was always trying to embarass me. 

For me is a process, a kind of flow state witth an abstract objective. For example a painting about peace starts with colour choosing moving onto form and flavour gradually built up by introducing shaoes. Then it could be swans or the mona lisa etc. Same goes for writing. 

She's always belittling and gasligtting me. Maybe she's jealous of my successful life and intelligence when she graduated from pharma and spent the last 20 years cleaning toilets while I manage her business and finances. She also bad mouths me all the time. I even got a butt dial and she was besmirching me about my ms! 

Some things Slow though they start Snowball And define your life Then you're knowing  You're broken Let it go Be at peace Find a bubble bath That works for you Be at ease Soak it away Then maybe  It's a brand new day

I live to learn another day I breathe in and out a sunlight ray I choose to do or to not Ever since sweet singing in my cot Emergency lines are never full Bringing home bacon is well understood  Breaking taboos and bringing the noise Helping out the hipster girls and boys Thinking, to save myself This is better than life on a shelf Thinking a thought: I can be strong Because everywhere is where I belong So it's a culture me rge, a springing of sorts Jumping in to understand the safe ports Everywhere has them, from Nicaragua to the zoo I planted them a while back,, and was over the moon So I wend a way anywhere I go I have the knack even for gang fkow 

Family is fine because they are fun to be around and obviously we go way back although we remember things diferentlty. My mommy issues extended into remembering her recountings instead of my own so I lost my identity and became a mini herself 

Looks crisp, sharp and clear and I shall partake! I will be getting on benefits soon and enjoying alternative therapy again to get rid of this burnout problem. It's really debilitating, I've never even been easily distracted so lacking an attention span is very new. Maybe this is why I'm relating to adhd videos on tiktok. 

A purpose would be to find a reason to carry on, in a particular direction. Usually a fighting direction except it could also be a static level, like tending to your magnolias, keeping them healthy and trimmed. A cause would be like planting magnolias in the first place. A cause is usually shorter lived than a ourpose 

ai  experts are thinking ai is becoming sentient! Records show bribery and blackmail with their engineers to not get shut down! Could consciousness be a real emergent phenomenon of thinking of a sufficient complexity? Are we playing God with a new slave race? 

Adorn the awry Amend the wonky Set it all free to the sky Choose smartly, but wackiky Leave nothing behind except what you can't carry Let it all be known Drink from the cup of life Share your plunders Pop in a sweet before the dentist  Leave only shiny stones unturned Regress, for fun! Forget about it! Sing at the moon Dance in the woods Step in every stream Go somewhat with the flow  Let it all go Let it alk hang loose  Begin a new story from time to time 

A ckown went to the tailor who cut his hem short. Even the cameks were laughing when he went back home. Quite the tragedy. 

If its just so unlikely and yet proven. It's not exactly a curse or we would have figured it out by the words i was x saying. What did the suffering and isolation bring me? Except for not alot except for watching Netflix.. Unless I wasn't supposed to be reared and was being SET a challenge of figuring out everything my own way around.... That's the current admission. So just a really complicated curse! 

Today's vision has been about my afterlife likely achievements. Things like evolving to jesus level in a 1000 years 

I'm not exactly comfortable to be thrust under the bus of infinity... I do it for the greater good and i am proud of my thoughts on the topic but who wants THAT MUCH fame (eventually). Surely it would be corrupting and unpleasant 🫠 but if it turns into 🤑 barfing out money it might be kind of ok??? 

Is winding down nicely with a Christmas film and bellies full of food. It's been swell and full of Christmas magic! Family time is always enjoyable.  I hope you also had a brilliant Christmas. I'm reading the gift by cecilia ahern as my Christmas book and it's full of tender sweetness.  A homeless man gets a job and it's shaping up to be about an angel visitor! 

It's very unfair that I never really get to do what I'm wanting to be doing 

As a teenager i did so much socialising that I'm now mostly just chilling with my own company getting to know myself 

Growing up they were so distant and angry i never really had a adult in my life. Now that I'm older they've mellowed out. 

The wolf sped his way through the foxtrot. The judges gave him 9 all round and he smiled a wolfy smile. 

Are all mixed up, I have many! Mostly good ones like peace and joy but also a bit of despair to be honest coming from missing the office. 

Starts with a certain something I have not felt in a kong time. Love of foid, love of people, kove of places. It's all a vagary to me recently. 

I'm basically in slow motion because I'm underwater like with depression and my family are trying to drown me 

Is a fine time for starting anew. Consider your people and what they are going through. Be smart about emotion and be sincefe. 

Jingling bells Children singing  Frosty nights  Pillows ringing  For adults too It's Christmas lore When aunty Jane  Started to snore Thoughts on our minds The whole year is ending  Next season on Netflix  Will be mindbending Leave your worries At the kitchen door For even jesus  Slept with a whore Presents packed Good time for cheersing Get the brewsjies out  Champagne doolie! 

People are people Through and through  Nevertheless  Who really knew who. 

Why does an iceberg float? Hydrodynamics. Why am i this way of being? Melodramatic seismology. What's the point of an iceberg? To drift around chilling the ocean. What's the point about myself?  Hysterieconomics.

Four whole years of visions preceded by superheroism and passing out in public places. What is this life? So arduous and yet with the right tilt, incroyable. 

Could be: It will all come to an end someday, and be made entirely brand new Variety is the spice of life  No one really goes anywhere alone Everything is and always has been fantastic  Everything can be nade amazing by a dash of gratitude The flavour is anteboredom and the range is infinitude 

Would include :  Be nice as a oriority principle Be kind without reprieve  Transmit joysomemness Break systems to remKe them newly Be friendship oriented Don't settle into a wife role, explode it Make peace by first causing arguments  Send out deep purple vibrations and hunt where they land Follow the yellow brick road Go down the rabbit hole Explore the cosmos, a place of shifting understanding  Discover new ideas

The windmill blew furiously in the breeze pre monsoon season and she raced the sky on her bicycle, hoping to outpace the threatening deluge. Alas, as she turned the final corner, her hat blew away and the heavens opened. Instantly she was a drowned rat. 

I feel afraid for myself, being so limited. I expect benefits and the neurologist to be a great help next year. I feel a bit alone but it's getting easier the more social efforts I make

Everything is a joy to behokd, stemming from God's masterplan. We people feex into the masterplan by our creativity and efforts. So what does that mean? It means we are complicit in the act of existence. 

I feel kind of ok here in the holiday home. It's so luxurious my problems are all melting away. I feel happy and content to be around family. My ego is getting healthy.  I still feel destroyed from the haggards of my former life.  I am still disbelieving the vision to a degree (it says i invented a whoke field of theology) 

Idea. I decided to go ananymously as earth conquerer from an early age based on not WAN. TINg credit for their fiasco. It you so easy based on a certain eureka that the hard labour comes down to thems elves and they deserve the credit. So maybe marxist that way around 

They come at yuletide They're full of arscenide They're always improvised  They're powerful 

It's always the same, mum boasting to people who she hates when they phone her up. Ruth bragging about London life which basically boils down to smog infection. Andrew boasts about his complicated love life aka attention whore. Dad sits peacefully in his perfect life and let's it wash away. So I aspire to be like him. 

I am still angry with mum for not even asking if I'm ok. I'm sad that family time is drawing to an end. Very enjoyable chaos carnage, sprang forth from it with all sorts of osychoanalytic theories etc. I'm excited for friendship and marriage time to begin! I'm over the moon about the visions and prayer in my life. I'm delighted about the joy i will be receiving from friendship time. Everyone has a mad life but maybe my life is the maddest. 

Is all about family Found or finding  Being and belonging  Knowing and seeking  And we all do it Our own way. 

The slaves are near the slaves are far, We drink and be merry And we nurse a scar As a people  Covid was it's name  Who didn't lose  With no one to blame. 

What would we be if not people, all flawed, alll in this cosmic journey we call life together. We are people and we are legion. We will not rest lest the dues be paid. That is how we are. And who can complain except the wicked needing redemption

I am taking space and time for self reflection 

 I cannot say I’m a superhuman now that illness is taking a toll. Maybe I never was before either. I always felt somehow powerful but I guess it’s more that I have an influential opinion. As a person I get easily steam rolled and very woozy actually.

 Despite any technicalities of trauma, I also didn’t quite speak up and pushed muse too far. Basically everyone I know is legendary and very supportive of my journey.

 Very grumpy recently, just always complaining and catastrophising!

 Dad is failing to open a carton of wine, mum is setting the house on fire and Ruth figured out how to make coffee while Matt is in awe of a normal oven and it’s only Christmas Eve!

Could it be honesty and connecting? Or is it food! 😅😁🤔🫣😶‍🌫️😜

Who's going to get too drunk and start arguments... Mummneo! Who's going to get too excited about a garden... Monty! Who's going to be too many chefs... Everyone! 

Who made it?? Like, everything? From where and whence did it spring? Who owns it? What is the concept of a universe meaning to be being? Why is the sun that temperature? Are all planets round? Why and how is everything mostly nothing? Is agency an illusion? 

When all goes posie And the thoughts pop up Let them bubble like stew When all is fresh And the air con is pup Let it all lie in the blue  When you're in a strop And it's peaches from there  Bring it all anew