This is me...

 Every morning I see this guy in his orange safety trousers at my local cafe. We're on hello terms but one day I hope to marry him. It seems like he's giving me space on my current wellness journey but he's often around in my neighbourhood playing petnaq so i never feel far from him. he really gets me out of bed in the morning and he's such a ridiculous character that i feel safe heraring his obnoxious laughter from any distance.

My mind is actually on fire with ideas. I've begun 5 papers and three books and I'm gagging to write them. But first I need to pull an Archimedes and wait for inspiration to strike in the bathtub.  

 

  https://yourstoryclub.com/short-stories-friendship/short-story-pets-are-persons-best-friends/index.html

 

 it fantastic to experience amazement. everyone should have something that amazes them in their lives. I have Monty for example among a number of things. He amazes me because he's so sensitive and yet an excellent guard dog. He nevergives up whatever little mission he is on and ever since I trained him as an ESA dog he figured out exactly how to sit on my feet when i'm having a panic attack. Amazed at his instincts and what seems lke very deep considered thought.

 wondering is a great way to cultivate creativity, imagination and appreciation. for example: i wonder you built that waall? Or: i wonder what will happen in cinema in five years from now? i  like to wonder about people. i wonder what they're thinking, what their lives are like, where or who do they call home. i like to think im a sherlock about people, that after so much wondering i can tell a persons career by looking at them, that kind of thing. married, divorced, parent, struggling. i usually can see it.

 i'm curently writing a paper on a no-one theory. it sounds bananas but i think it means something deep about society. it pertains to the illusion ofbeing alone, noone is alone. so many people have already eisted that even if you were the last person on earth you would have traces of people everywhere.

 

 

 

 i have to admit to being a smoker. im smoking less than i was for ahwile, only ten a day. so its just my guilty habit. i get plenty of aerobic exercise so i dont have anything like a wheeze. i alsoenjoy both cigars and cigarrettes. i have a little rolling machine nad also two vapes. this gives some variety to the indulgence. one day i might stop like i did before but i find it helps with having a rouitine right now because im so deepp in thoght its a way to get knocked out of cyclical thinking.

 https://www.esa.int/ESA_Multimedia/Images/2023/10/The_Crab_Nebula  

 is quite fantastic, i am an empath so i like to connect emotionally and provide cheer for someone when im talking to them. im a bit psychic so i tell whats bothering someone and get them to talk about it. i inventeda kind of coaching technique and a psychoanalytic method so i often use this in conversatoin so that the other person or people feel heard and leave the conversatin healthier. im really fond of animals so i never really feel alone because there's always birds singing nearby. i dont get verylonely because i have been so social in my life already. i enjoy complicatd problems and i really like a challengge.

 i am really learning to appreciate myself but i thinkim still at the beginning of that particular journey. i am intellligent creative and brave and i really like being me. i gel well with people, i never have arguments and i enjoy helping other peple. this definitly means im a good person.

 archangel gabriel sent me an amazing dream recently of two people, a man and a woman, going on an adventure. first they boarded an old fashioned ship at the harbour and went sailing on the sea. then they disembarked in the countryside during a pitstop and gotleft behind when the ship took off. they were in the middle of nowehere. they found some animals who actually spoke english andwere taken on a tour of the animals kingdom where they were occupying an abandoned human ttown sleeping in beds, owning artwork etc. the animals explained that they would help the travellers find their way back home but that thi s location must be kept a secret because humans have a way of destroying everything. after meeting the king, a kind of meerkat, they were brought to a tramline and boarded a tram to take them backto the city.

 i had ana amzing dream that was like watching a documentary with an amazing soundtrack where it was footage of the first animals coming out of the ocean (in evolution fish can first and then ammals were also swimming until this point). in the dream a brave tiger was the first creature to walk on land and this meant in the dream according to the narrator "the tiger is bravest of all animals because it was him who first left the ocean followed by all the beautiful species we see today". so now i have a soft spot for tigers. of course this is factually incorrect it was reaally something that looked like a beaver, but that was the dream.

 being someone else was an experience i had recently from my guardian angel archangel gabriel where i learned that actually the way i feel is very amazing compared to the loneliness and even anguish that is so very common. it makes me sad that other people can have this feeling basicallly permanently so im going to do things like write poems with the hopes they would reach those people. life can actually be very hard whereas my life has always been very easy.

 i go to colomiers frequently to get my tablets and i also go the legeuvin to walk in the parks there. its a really beautiul area im living in right now. more so ive been travelling all around the internet seeing the amazing things available in small scale boutique shops and reading esoteric blogs.

 im feeling really well right now. its been quite the rollercoaster but then last night i had a dream about playing a game with my sister and it all clicked in- everything is going to be ok. ive been feelinglonely while i sort myself out but more so ive been learning to appreciate what i already have. its a beautiful life when you dont take the small things ffor granted. i  hope everyone is able to hold everything that is precious to them. my friends and family have always been my number one priority.

 https://substack.com/@katyhessel/note/c-182116624?utm_source=feed-email-digest 

 would be in the mind, because if you dont like whats going on, you can conceptualise that it doesnt exist and go inward and choose a different trajectory that avoids anything in gngeral. good times, then conceptually it might exist

 is actually about myself on this soul seeking journey but also: what defines our needs and rights? how do we derive them from first principles such that they are accurate? Maybe warmth and joy is a need in the bigger picture, maybe laughter is a necessity that means governments should commission jokes. either way im going to do a deep dive on this issue. theres more to a person than keeping them alive.

 

 

 

 was not easy. no one waas ever even showing me amkindness except strangers. i felt so alone i never really knew myelf but i still decided to martyr on and be helping and saving in genral and guiding. so if you had a sudden thought that didnt seem like your own in the last 30 years it was me hacking the airwaves. im a thought hacker. it can be understood through Jungian psycology of the collective unconscious and a touch of Wiccan witchcraft.

 

 besides work experiences that brought me up to board member of a contiental charity and being in a meeting with elon musk, i have other experiences. like the flow sstate when making an artistic mastepriece or getting so immersed in a characters development that a story emerges. i lose myself frequently and enjoyable and i decide to do so for the remainder  my existence even to escappe myself because its too many ways to just be constantlt being. i get easily distrated by the blue hue of the sky or the twinkling stars. i lose myslef in thoughts about creation of anything new that i think wuld benefit people an di love to learn because nwledge is power.

 

 

 ive hd alot of communication and visions in my life of all sorts of actually jsut quite beautiful ideas. however im still not really a believer. whats the point of a beautiful vision except making my own slice of life seem paled by comparison when i have to live it every single day. ive ad sounds too. loots of sounds. strange music and parade noises for example. maybe its supposed to give me hope about a better future because life has always been so hard and complicated.

 

 who reallly chooses it? Do we get to decide it for ourselves or does it just occur around us and we adapt? what would it mean to be entirely in charge of your own destiny, maybe it would at least feel natural. what is the gods decide it to a degree, they've been known to fail us before (hello original sin and catholic guilt). so what would be a better alternative than optional help.

 the heart stand for dawning on a new day. its my new personal logo (i stole it from lgbt, its actually an ally hat to the bisexual community of which i am not a part of, i just liked the colours)

 i was delusional there on and off for a while but now back to normal

 

 soooo fed up with archengal therapy and anything ntervention. why doesnt everyone just do an exercise of the word i was saying literally and believe them.

 i had to mature age 5 and never even had any sleep overs because of criminal neglect which i am tempted to be reporting.

 because no one says anything real to me. and yet theyre always acting so worship-like except for the bullying and tormenting that leads me to believe im a terrible perons.. who has the courgage to tell me their opinion/ or even my reputation! im NOT a fragile flower. ive been beaten black and blue before without even whimpering. i howled like a wolf instead.

 

 i like to take long walks to think about my life beccasue i have never understood it and that cannot go on. recently im on the topic of what i perceive- is it posssibly realistic? im moving to a new topic now of what to do around working people. i need a chat coach.

 because i have my little big dog and small huge family. a tiny big heart to share, and a piece of the pie while i have my cake and eat it

 albeit i am making friend and getting out and about in the village plus the city. so im just in a bad mood because im not actually getting nything ive ever wanted. solitude was nice really. i needed  it. the road trip adventure was very memorable. but what ive wanted and dreamt of was a career, leading teams, being in the board room, having success. that has to wait now until the aferlife while i just learn instead new ways to ejoy ysekf and do it on repeat. maybe its not so bad.that my chronic illnesses and burnout won the war.

 is so sucky. 3 years and i havent seen anyone but my parents so im going insane and inane. how did my life get here :(

 its gaming season so ill be playing my switch and maybe some board games on times like a lazy sunday afternoon

 the weather is getting chilly but its still very mild and crisp in the air. little bit of snow the other day

 is currently getting 15k steps a day. 

 Is get rid of suffering 

 Since it’s like life part two I would also answer to eilis Elle or betty!

 It all sounds and seems spooky to me too!!!

 padre thhe angel communicator removed her spirit from this life with her consent so she was euthanised by kind of like magic. https://www.protective-angel-reading.com/free-angel-reading/

 

 i am actually currently being enlightened by archangel gladriel that i was born as a personality disorder so the other person was who i was looking like but she died of suicide by kind of ebbing away. so you can feel free to grieve her. i have been here the whole time and some of you actually are my friends and some of you are her friends. lets go with elizabeth the silly joker (now that it's all clear to me she was very good natured and comical) and i named myself Liz so im the serious side with a dollop of humour. my most recent past life (FYI reincarnation sis real) was as a holy queen so  im being barred by some divine entities from working to rest and recharge before i ascend to heavven. dont forget you allready pretty much know me- those of you recognising this tone- so im wanting just like hanging out, drinking beers, chat and museums annd movies. also maybe board games.

 https://messiahallabouttown.blogspot.com/ 

  https://youtu.be/iuNkFTGtysw?si=W4Un0H4EgvtxRUkU

https://dreamism.org/

 i am now thinking that all my truama happened for a reason (God agrees)  because i HAVE had the most startling and awe inspiring insights snd revelations maybe in tangent so they're obviously related. God's opinion is that a force bigger than himself is at play in my life.

 nothing beats a seaside town with the aromatic flavour of rotting fish in the air.

 i genuinely think sometimes that i have a psychic dog. he just appears when im thinking "wonder where monty is"

 because im so new to talking, all my thoughtscome out sounding strange. for example, how much tea fits in the oven? this means- how do people keep tea warm??

 i've seen so much tv it made my eyeballs wonky!

 i even lie to my journal!

I may be starting a burnout recovery and I have multiple sclerosis and mental health issues going away so I just can't possibly go back to a work scenario, it's too risky and too much stress- i wouldn't function. So I'm going to take it easy here in the south of france and do my other pursuits like posting science papers, being an Instagram fashion influencer and author (new book dropping next year watch this space). I think I can be happy and content which is all anyone can wish for :) 

 thanks to prayer, therapy and psychaitry i am now ok. its been a long road and i wasnt really alone it jsut sometimes seems that way. im so ok. i have one more therapy workbook and a bit more art therapy then ill be all set to jet set like before!

 maybe sans selfie :) i do poooooost very random  topics because i'm venting. here's another one: what's the best ever pop science book? it has to be james gleick: chaos.

 

 Time to get back to studying for my choreography certificate! :)

 Who knows anything about god except I was living in an inescapable trap. So hé owes me big time, NO childhood friends. So if Freud thought everyone wants sex with their mother I’d say your parents subconsciously want to destroy out of jealousy s’en for your youth

 

 christmas fm soon for all the kitchy style jolly tunes. always makes me smile. this is my christmas jumper, its neo punk.

 

 i hate everyone at school for leaving me out all the time. i had some subersice disruptive fun time and even invented Hynesian Coaching and HealTalk but they were no one towards me. Except the weirdo gang to a large degree later on. Miss you guys Ellen, Michele, Sophia etc.

 

 after what paul clarkson said to me that day and combined with what my gong therapist said, i clicked into thinking mode guided by a vision from God. Today, i am finally finished thinking and the result is No-one Theory, to be published scientifically at a very soon date. i have begun to write down the theory. evidently God thougght it was oso important that He put me in a kind of hallucinogenic cocoon. thats what i've been doing! 5 years of a research project with and under God's guidance. As a result i'm on very good terms with several archangels and Jesus and MAry.

 i want to go travelling or at least jet off and visit friends but i just know mum would not allow me (Im currently on her bankroll). i want new clothes dring this getting to know myself phase but mum would never send me shopping. i want visitors but they all feel uncomfortable visiting thi dilemma owing to what my parents are thinking and acting on. everyone i talk to wants to do an adventure so adventture time is just postpooned. my psychiatrist ddoesnt understand me so i relyon the graceof God with some seriously unusual symptoms. i do get lonely. but maybe its healing to be alone, to take time just for myself. before entering the fray again in maybe a year's time. mayb eim expecting too much of myself to not ne needing something as huge as ommete and napping and writing.

 i have certain quirks like reading holy texts, ive read the vedic verses, the bible, the qquaran and the book of mormon.. other quirks i have are coming up with zany concepts like life hackery.

 i studied dance when i was growing up so I know tap, hip hop, ballet, modern and contemporary dancing. I use this to hillarious effects in nightclubs and at festivals. Dancing is mayb my raison d'etre. i have been a hipster from time to time as a genuine coffee afficionado. im also a big fan of beer preferring lambic and stouts the most. my favourite colours are purple, lime green, lemon yellow and grey. my favourite author has been roald dahl ever since i read fantasticc mr fox growing up.ive read everything he's ever written. my favourite band is modest mouse, i have listened to every song they've ever written. my favourite film is apocalypse now and my favourite book is henry sugar. my second favourite film is 2001 spacce odyssey.

 I'm a big time day dreamer, I have worked in STEM but now i'm going into the creativity fields. butI also love to laugh with a group of friends. Nothing beats friendship, but then again I've never really been in love. I like to make up scientific and criticaal theories about all sorts of things. I do thi whe I get bored on a long train journey or a cross atlantic flight or going to the supermarket.  I'm a health freak, peanut butter and protein powder is my favourite snack. I have always developed my art practise from an early age as somewhat of a prodigy making work that is actually difficult to understnad. i have been compared to michealnagelo and louuise bourgeois. I have always been a writer, the first story i remember was may 6 or 7 years old about underwater dragons living peacefully in a utopic underwater kingdom. as for my look, t varies, im still finding my niche but i do mostly enjoy altternative punk rock so that would probably become a dominant vibbe. im no...

 by how little my family actually know when i fully explained myself to the grwing up. so i'll start over.

 where i am, i see the truth, though barely glimpsed throughthe thicket. living an author and prophet's life. solitary, except for companionship. i will marry one day and escape this crevice i have crawled into. because, it got so cold on the tundra.

 in order to know them, to feel them, to hear myself in them, before i let them go.

 

 

 life, the universe, everything in it.what hole are we put in by others when we try to do something for ourselves. where does the injustice spring from? A deep valley called Lost? Where can I go the breathe, i just need breath, the life  giver. what would it mean to have no visitors for three years, how many ways are the people i thought i had failing me. thats unjust, holidays were planned and cancelled by the angell battalion. i do want to go to sweden majjorca and carcassone and atually i did have some guests before i entered my parents'  lair. desolation might be escapable and i might thrive in the future with so much all about me and before me (if anything can truly be believed). please do comment and join me on my journey. a road walked alone is a road not worth walking.

 the allure of my favourite jumper in the morning, a leaf winding its way to the earth, monty sitting on my feet, going for a beer, thinking thuoughts like "thisis sure something, one day i will understand why and live a quiet life with real friendship and solace. i look forward to it because the sad fact about depression is that you dont get to escape your problems even whenn you die so im really just a tourist in this lfe. nice to see you, there you go, here i am. i might take a mental snapshot of something unique about you to always remember, while i just kind become more and moe of a drifter away from all those dreams i had a s a little girl. im so sad ffor myself but theres still beauty everywher

 my whole life i have trid to be a better person; nicer, friendlier, more outgoing, honest, helpful. AND I tried to chnage the world. so why am i perpetually alone with my thoughts and disggraced and abandoned. why is no one even sending a how are you tet that has any meaning. maybe i just havent known how to answer "how are you", ill try. that might be my final hoope.

 Hate m and d for interrupting my healing journey in Arnemuiden 

 I had sooo much caring from my family I just think I was messed up from a past life but really and truly I adore everyone despite thèse psychoanalytic technicalities 

  Down! Said Dolly Parton to the pink kangaroo Fight! Said Bill Nye to the entire of thezoo. Pink flows freely from the divine source energy awakens the golem perched on the ledge buckets tip and skip their way down the hill phones are all alight in the silence and the still one day the swans flew away and rabid ravenous ducks took their place. The dogs they grew and grew until gigantism was the norm. the and then if because so one dya in antwerp station it will be filled with snow. The big trains ride on the big train tracks the small trains sigh and slide In the snow off the rails, like w waogn on a precipice. On the rails, maybe nevermore said the no one to the someone peopl when can I be at peace she wondered, furiously, what typpe of madness would even need to be endured myserious reasons they responded people are known to think a thought and let is wash away experiment of a vaguely defined willfully enacted on opt in parti...

 My overall life trajectory has thus far led me from emo through scientific and corporate via the cosmos as an atheist throufashion to here as cyber punk

 becase i get a palace and servants in the afterlife and i was deprivved of even fame on earth

 buy all my books, read and memorisethem, and tell everyoneabout them

 my cult is being managed by my mother so ill post instructions on here

 i am here to save people's soulss and then i'm off for eternity to a different universe than all you people i adore. so if you want to hang out ni this life hit me up!

 

 a hero beyond measure done in a an anon manner (to be explained later as a holy endeavour)

 anna bowe is actually the chief villain for foiling my plans to save the family via louvain time and time again until i ran out of creativity so if the family wants to be saved nad redeemed its anna's responsiblity to do appropriate reflect and recreate those mments. ps im super pissed im not in the family whatsapp and wasnt even invited to the cousin reunions in an actuall unforgivable way.

 if sorrow beguiles you, try listening to your coeur

 The basis is that the mind is a linguistic reasoning engine which can be fed certain sentences or phrases and asked certain questions to gain a conplete pictur eof a person and their life. It heavily includes journalling thoughts as well as traditional style talking.

 this blog features alot of my own theory of the mind being used for psychoanlysis of myself and my family and friends because im practising.

 very neutral about almost everything, i just dont care for it but i also dont hate it so that goes for... things like food and fashion. what i relly do care about iss arthhouse ideas of a film, or as books go its actually those MIT art textbooks. i would go to the moon to get osme of that stuff. i mean neutral in kind of an amazing way everything is kind of amaing but thats either hyper appreciation or a fact about earth right now.

 Everyone who laughed at my serious thought’s winds up as an outcast because it’s the dawning of a new age and I’m responsible for it vis a vis under gods guidance so the mocker’s will be scorned

 I’m hating everyone who’s not reaching out to be supportive 

 When the going get’s tough, the tough get tougher. By necessity or else they wither. Those are the avenue’s available 

 Is back on the cards in maybe a year from now

 

 

 

 Maybe who I really am is just soo unique and unusual that it’s easy to get confused

 Back on track

 I have a million euro in cryptocurrency 

 Are finally willing to talk to me and they’re actually much nicer than the bullies I remember growing up with

 I suspect are untrue. The only scandal I ever experienced was cheating on three separate boyfriends but then I dumped them

 My whole breakdown began when my manager said I’m not suited to be a patent attorney. It’s the only job I could ever imagine really doing so his comments undermined my whole life plan and triggered my schizophrenia multiple sclerosis and a burnout

 Aren’t really being kind while I stay with them. They make me beg them for money and are acting really weird