myself.

I've always been unhappy and frightened being the person I was forces to be. I've never even been myself. I've always been raised the way a machine would be programmed. No matter how serious my choices no one respected me. Now I'm faced with eternity, a better prospect as being after considerable prayer but little practice. So I'll just carry on as my own messaage, "if no one wants the tiger the tiger eats the day".

I am wanting to be serious and almost really desiring to be violent. Even if that means tearing society apart with cosmic jokes. Society has a lot to be learning. Everything is badly designed. 

What would I do? There's still so much "as standard" : advocating, remaking, inspiring, campaigning. Then... After that.... I would have a vegetable garden and make sculptures. Work with my hands. Maybe even dabble in building and design. I'd do experiments and simulations about lifeology and live a peaceful and lively life. I'd be a socialite laughing in the face of disrepair. And maybe someone would eventually really listen. I need a gentler question than "what do you want to say" because when I try to speak my throat constricts with the emotion of maybe using my voice.