the bananas aspect

What is really so bananas about my life at the moment is my art practice entirely devolving to writing fictionalised versions of phase 1 of my life. I find this creatively fulfilling and very cathartic.

I'm also redesigning my personality to be more feminine (the male friendship idea wasn't working out and turned out as a total waste of time). This has transpired to be a huge undertaking!! It's also bananas to be living in France... I do speak French but out of everywhere I suppose I did ponder France before choosing the Netherlands but in a village is a new idea and experience for me (actually really liking it).

It's very bizarre to be reorganising my philosophy /theology thought practice too, from existential atheism to agnostic personalism. I'm in the middle of acquiring quite the collection of parts of a mindful and heart centric lifestyle. I would say that as a person I am switching from logical logical to intuition based living and decision making.

Logic only goes so far although it brought me on quite the journey so far. Furthermore I have really found my faith at long last which in the past I really struggled with. 

More bananas ideas I'm experiencing are even just aging. As I enter my late thirties I'm actually just obssessed with flower power type ideas and beer itself. This might lead me to places and ideas like soft core punk concepts, femininity and the divine feminine and high society as a concept. 

My bananas obsession involves being a little bit drunk in order not to dwell on my own mortality just until I can even cope with being even awake (!) after being born with a huge thought. This has affected my whole life but this transition to verbalising is especially challenging.

I'm also figuring out where do we (or maybe just I) fit in the tapestry of life.